i got my camera out to show you pictures of the patio that eli and i are building. i started to walk out the patio doors when my efforts were thwarted... the lock was gone rendering the door unopenable. please see here:
as a side note, maybe you're less concerned about the knob being gone or maybe you didn't even notice because of all the filth in and around the door but let me explain! there's no way to explain. the window is covered in waxy crayon window marker from 2007 because i can't bear to erase sam's "i love mom" with smiling sunshine drawing off it and the marker (blue) on the door frame and adjacent hardware won't come off anyway and things look sticky on the handle there because certain people in the house don't even seem to notice when their hands are covered in syrup. anyway stop looking at the filth because the point is that hole next to the handle where the open/close/unlock function happens.
this took A LOT of thinking like a tiny baby with a passion for putting things into things. i often find baby socks in the utensils drawer, or dog toys in the laundry, or sesame snaps and granola bars out in the yard. so the possibilities were pretty much endless as long as they involved putting a small thing into a thing it would never normally be in.
i finally found the open/close/lock mechanism in the box of fruit cups:
anyway. becuase i just told this whole giant story to you i'll put up the pictures of the partially finished patio even though i just decided that with the pots pushed out of the circle and the thing half filled with gravel it looks sort of derelict, but i've made this much of a fuss about getting out the fucking patio door that you deserve to see the thing.
you'll be more impressed when it's all finished and i've composed the frame. for now, imagine how hard it is to make a perfect (which it is) circle out of brick things. it involves a golf shaft, a string, a knot and hands and knees with small garden spade. and a level which eli calls a "whisky stick" for some reason. i kept asking for the "whisky dick" which he didn't laugh at because i guess it isn't a funny "nomenclature abstraction." anyway... there's that.
it's right next to what we call "little italy" not because of the great pizza to be had but because when i'm under it i wish for parmegianno cheese, red wine in a juice glass and a couple olives as though i'm IN italy. it's a grape plant on a trelis but that's how it makes me feel anyway:
i have some fucking thing growing under my eye and i don't know what it is. it's a series of red bumps that are painful to the touch, not itchy and get worse or better on any given day. what are they!??!?!
i want another dog.