but i am getting myself all worked up as though i DO.
my husband and my brother-in-law were (are-ish) both sick with flu-like symptoms which i assume is H1N1, because i watch daytime TV, and the fear-mongering TV segments told me so.
i have a sore throat, and chills... and general bad stomach feelings which i have had since 3w 6d of pregnancy, so i am willing to omit those from my list of symptoms. however, i still feel that i am going to be a) hospitalized and b) risking my pregnancy.
last time i was pregnant, SARS was all the rage. i had occasion to visit the ER (thought amniotic fluid was leaking out) and had to do so unaccompanied because even HUSBANDS weren't allowed into the hospital. i'm willing to admit that the general health hysteria level is lower this pregnancy 'round... but H1N1 is getting people all aroused regardless.
i don't think i'll get any flu vaccines, H1N1 vaccine included. i never have. i generally have high resistance to illness... figured i would while i was pregnant as well. i'm surprised to be sick at all. maybe i'll wake up in the morning, and all will be new and not sick. maybe the air is just dry! (my mom taught me how to rationalize to the point of whatever outcome you are either hoping for, or most afraid of... explanations in the intermediate are not generally thought of... either you're dying, or you're not even sick at all. please remember to go back and forth between the two. thanks mom!)
sam's doing pretty well at 1st grade. he's not complaining that he has to 'learn' too much like he did last year. he does mention that the bus "keeps [him] rushin'!" and he cannot understand why he's not allowed to talk during class ("we can't even talk until recess, mommy... and recess is SHORT!"). sam comes from a line of chatties. i was forever in trouble for talking in class. my seat moved in science (a class i LIKED) over 15 times (there were only like 20 desks). it soon became apparent to my science teacher (who's name i forget but she looked hippo-ish on account of very rounded, firm yet fleshy features) that i was going to talk to WHOEVER she put me next to AND get all A's on the tests/assignments anyway. her solution was to move me to another room. i couldn't talk, but i also couldn't LEARN. wtf. anyway... my mother before me had 'chatterbox' scrawled over report cards and so i'm not surprised that sam can't shut the hell up while the teacher is talking. the poor dear. he's learning lots of french. so far every time i ask him 'comment ce va?' he replies with comme ci comme ca. at first i thought he just didn't know about being tres bien or mal even, but upon further questioning, i have found that sam is just comme ci comme ca to a fault. he really is a little this and a little that, both bad and good. i don't know if that's just higher order thinking, or if he's a little depressed at 6.
eli and i went to a football game this weekend at Ford Field. i'm not particularly into sports, but i do enjoy football as far as sports go, and i like spectacles so i got us tickets. it was pretty great, actually.
last night i had a dream that i started using hospital equipment (without authorization) to get a look at my baby. what happened was that i couldn't hear a heartbeat. this is probably because i was using an ultrasound machine as though it was a doppler, but that didn't occur to me in my dream. at any rate, i've begun in the last 2 days to be scared about losing this pregnancy. okay, scared again... i was terrified at the beginning. once i got past the miscarriage weeks (5 and 6) i was too sick to care WHAT happened. now the baby is the size of a lipstick tube and has fingernails so it's a thing, and i don't want to lose it. i don't want it in there destroying my life either, but i don't want to lose it. i also have dreams about car crashes and a muslim woman cleaning up her baby off the street. that was pretty graphic/horrific. weird dreams are part of pregnancy. also, you CAN scream in your dreams... but you will sound very unfortunate and spazzy and so it's best to not yell lest your husband laugh at the way you screamed for him. eli didn't laugh, but if he were meaner, he would impersonate that yell.
so eli has finally, after nearly 5 years of trying, become a full faculty member at the college he teaches at. eli is a bum, but he's an amazing teacher. ;) i never knew that would be his best gift, but it really is. the college had him teaching as a sessional, partial load, or part-time instructor for the last 5 years. in that time, 4 full time positions have been advertised and eli has been interviewed for them 3 times. but finally, they have given him the job. i suppose it's because eli is the youngest faculty member by a stretch and the dean seems a tad... traditional. but hard work pays off finally i suppose. we're very pleased that one of us has hit the mark finally. all the schooling, all the tuition, all the time spent DOES lead to what you wanted in the first place. there's no more panic talks about moving to oklahoma or utah (don't ask), no more wondering how much more credit card debt we can take to get through a summer with no pay, and no more wishing the college would just hire him. and more than that... eli gets personal satisfaction.
i have a lot of things i need to mail. i'm not great at getting envelopes or stamps. i usually steal stamps off of letters that have been sent to me but that weren't post-marked. awesome trick, i KNOW! but on the last package that came to my house, the stamps were taped over with packing tape (you know who you are) and as such, i have to go out and BUY them. this shit is never getting mailed, i know how i am.
hope you had a great thanksgiving if you're in canada. columbus day i'm not so sure about (genocide anyone?), but i hope your weekend was nice too.
